I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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