I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
