I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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