Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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