dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
