I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize