What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize