Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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