I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Do vagina's smell?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
