Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
