This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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