how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
