Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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