I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
