There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
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