There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
