I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
