What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
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