I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We are two peas in an std pod
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize