i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
