clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
