I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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