cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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