i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
