just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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