I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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