is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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