U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
