I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
