I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
