if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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