Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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