dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
