I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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