I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
