Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
