don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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