It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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