Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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