from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
