I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
