apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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