Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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