Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
