Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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