Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
