I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
