you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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