my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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