the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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