Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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