tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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