dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You can't special order awesome
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
