I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
