dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So here I am, sexting at work.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
