I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
