hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
