I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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