I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
