I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
