Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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