your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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