I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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