Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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