He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
