Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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