i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
