Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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