I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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