hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Your shirt... Was in my pants
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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