You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
