I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize