It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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