She's JV to your varsity
mondays should just be called national damage control day
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
