if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
