Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
