I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
