I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
