That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
either way he was missing a nipple.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
