Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
