everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
we made out on top of his cat.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
