i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
