I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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