Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
