i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
