Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
