I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
