i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
