Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize