Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
