And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
