ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize