well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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