Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
