Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
