I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize