If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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