We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
