the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
