AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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