Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
