all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
