youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
